Parents often resort to shouting when bringing up their children, as they believe that it is an effective way to convey their demands to the child. Against the background of physical punishment, shouting seems to be a more harmless way of upbringing, but in fact it is a tool of psychological violence.
How does a child react to shouting?
Screaming can be very stressful for a child, especially if the child is generally sensitive to sound and has a well-developed hearing. For him, frequent and prolonged screaming is no less dangerous than if he were constantly in the midst of noise pollution, and we know that prolonged sound exposure is unfavorable to the psyche as a whole.
In a young child from the stress caused by screaming, sleep and speech disorders may develop, stuttering, episodes of nocturnal incontinence may occur. A persistent fear of the screaming parent develops, resulting in the child becoming withdrawn, learning to lie and twist to avoid punishment. He or she may obey momentarily, but still act in his or her own way, his or her trust in the parent is weakened and his or her authority is diminished.
If a teenager is shouted at, it turns into disobedience and rebellion, the teenager starts to show his character sharply, becomes uncontrollable. If there are any troubles in his life, he will prefer to hide them from his parents to save himself from another violent reaction. Such teenagers look for opportunities to stay at home as little as possible, may lie about their whereabouts, skip classes, spending time with peers with whom they feel mutual understanding (unlike their parents).
Shouting in the family is NOT the norm
When there is a lot of shouting in the family, the child quickly gets used to it and stops paying attention to his parents' shouting, so he learns to listen but not to hear. Later, growing up, he may have difficulties in building communication with others, because he grew up in an unhealthy family climate, where shouting was the only way to get through, even if the shouting was not addressed directly to the child, but to the parent-partner.
Many parents wonder if it is possible to sort out the parenting problem, find out the reasons for the yelling and learn how to restrain themselves without raising their voices. Here are some aspects to pay attention to:
Recognize that you are not all-powerful
To avoid escalating conflicts, adults need to help each other, ask for support from family. Learn to relax, to rest, to give each other time. And remember that it is impossible to establish absolute control over the life and decisions of another person. You can live your own life, not someone else's instead.
Channel your energy into a peaceful direction
If you realize that you are already shouting, it is important to pause, leave the room, count to 10 and then continue the conversation in a calm tone. This technique can not immediately be learnt, it is worth gradually introducing it into practice. The main thing is to remember in time, ‘without falling into the abyss of passions’.
Look at yourself from the outside
When another emotional breakdown occurs, you need to think about how it looks from the outside: a face distorted with anger, mad eyes, a scratchy look and a voice like a siren's roar. It is unlikely that such a look will contribute to the recipient of the scandal to perceive the message that you really want to convey to him.
Understanding the consequences of shouting
Adults need to be aware of their actions and understand the real consequences of yelling in the family. Children who are yelled at all the time, constantly experience fear, freezing, helplessness. This reaction is imprinted in the memory even at the bodily level, so such a child grows up as if ‘frozen’, from which he experiences great difficulty in interacting with the world. As a teenager, he is prone to fall into ‘bad companies’, as he is in dire need of acceptance, which his own parents are unable to give him. As an adult, the victim of a yelling parent may adopt this style of behavior, as he or she no longer knows how to express his or her feelings because of the feeling of helplessness and frozenness he or she has acquired.
A child should grow up in a calm environment, in love and understanding. When he or she is calmly pointed out his or her mistakes, is not intimidated by punishments, does not arrange scandals for reasons and without reasons, the child has a chance to develop harmoniously, to learn, and to build healthy and fulfilling relationships with others.
